The Editor
The News Tribune
PO Box 11000
Tacoma, Wa. 98411
Birthparent Confidentiality as stated in your editorial is a myth perpetuated by those who benefit - the private businesses involved in adoption.
I should know - I am a birthparent.
In 1971 - at the age of 17 I was forced by my parents to surrender my first born son.
When I went to the adoption agency to sign relinquishment papers I specifically asked if I would ever be able to see my son again - and I was promised by the social worker that he would be able to have his records when he was 18 and find me.
Apparently that is what was told to my son's parents as well. They always told him I loved him very much - and that it was ok to search for me when he was ready. He always believed it would be a matter of calling up the adoption agency and getting my name and number.
We were all lied to.
One has only to look at how and when records are sealed to realize confidentiality is a myth. Records are not sealed at the time of relinquishment - they are sealed at the time of the finalization of the adoption. Clearly this was meant to protect the adoptive family - not the birthparents - as the records with the birthparents names remain public record until this time - which could be months and sometimes years after relinquishment papers are signed.
The legal documents signed by birthparents DO NOT mention confidentiality or anonymity. Why? Because state law provides for the opening of adoption records without notification - with a show of good cause.
Birthparent names were routinely published in newspapers just prior to the finalization of the adoption.
The suggestion that we birthparents were promised confidentiality so we could forget and go on with our lives is ludicrous. You do not go on with your life and you can never forget the child you gave life to. Not a day goes by that you do not wonder and worry about your child. You search the faces in every crowd and wonder if one of them is your child. Not a birthday passes without tears.
Reunions between birthparents and adult adoptees happen everyday in Washington State. And most frequently they happen legally - outside the Confidential Intermediary system - which is an option - not a requirement.
This law will have little impact on the rate of reunions.
To suggest that because a birthmother is older and hasn't told her family - is a reason she wouldn't welcome a reunion is bunk. I know many birthmothers in their 50's 60's and 70's who hadn't told their families - but were estatic to be found - and shared their "new" grown child with friends and family proudly.
This law will have a huge impact on the dignity and full citizenship of adult adoptees. Adult adoptees are the only people held separate by the law for a lifetime - due only to the circumstances of their birth - for which they bear no responsibility.
We birthparents are responsible. We are responsible for the genetic diseases we passed along - that were unknown when we were just teenagers. We are responsible for our children's ethnic heritage, intelligence, physical traits and abilities, and most personality traits. We must accept full responsibility for our own actions - and not hide behind some ill deserved cloak of secrecy to the detriment of our now grown children.
We birthparents are not the frightened young girls and boys we were when we were in the throes of a crisis pregnancy - but mature adults fully capable of making adult decisions and handling adult situations all by ourselves. We do not need government supervision of our adult relationships.
And we are not entitled to special treatment under the law. No other class of people is given blanket authority to prior restraint against another party - without that party having due process.
It is time we joined the majority of the free world - Great Britain, New Zealand, France, Mexico, Norway, and Israel to name a few - who do not seal adoption records and the states of Kansas and Alaska - who have always allowed adult adoptees access to their original birthcertificates - and put an end to the secrecy and lies.
The time is now.
Terri Leber
Birthmother
Washington State Open '98 Board Member
3428 34th Avenue West
Seattle, WA 98199
206-285-8158
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