Dear Editor:
Your statement in Sunday's paper, "Biological parents many of them unwed mothers - were commonly told that the records would remain permanently sealed," is less than a half truth. The agencies and potential adoptive parents made these conditions. The unwed mothers were powerless to change them. Relinquishment papers, drawn up by the adoption agencies, were often signed by underage girls with no legal representation.
The most vivid recollection I have from the adoption agency which encouraged me to relinquish my firstborn son, was that I "would forget" and get on with my life. It was all part of that espionage act to which you referred. If everything was done in secret, then it never really happened. It's simple for an 18-year-old high school student to walk back into class, go to the prom and pretend she was sick with mono for three months. I can't believe I was so stupid to actually believe their promises. But I had to believe them, otherwise I would not surive the trauma of the separation from my son.
C'mon........do you REALLY think it was that easy? I was supposed to forget. Forget. In my attempts to "get on with my life" I struggled daily with the grief and loss of my first child. It affected every part of my adulthood. They promised me I would forget. They promised me this was all for the best -- for me, and for my child. They promised me that the only thing I could give my child was hair and eye color. They promised me a wonderful future for both myself and my son -- as long as we were apart.
None of those promises were ever a part of any agreements I signed. They made lots of promises to birthparents and to adoptive parents alike. Why are you supporting the agencies' alleged promise of confidentiality and you are not supporting all the other alleged promises they made to my son and me?
A life based on secrets and lies -- whether it be that of a birthparents or an adoptee, is a life based on false promises. Who can live like that?
Adoptees deserve to know their birthparents, and birthparents deserve to know their children. Everyone needs to acknowledge the closed records system was based on too many unrealistic alleged "promises" that should have never been made. It's time to correct the wrongs and false promises NOW.
I am sure State Rep. Suzette Cooke(R-Kent) and Sen. Jeanne Kohl (D-Seattle) are well aware that it would be impossible for a woman to give away her child and then walk away and pretend it never happened. They have a very sound sense of the realities of human nature -- something adoption agency officials and politicians who designed the closed record system did not consider in the least.
Dear Editor,
Last night I wrote you regarding your statement in Sunday's paper, "Biological parents many of them unwed mothers - were commonly told that the records would remain permanently sealed," and I neglected to add my name and address. It follows on this letter.
I'm real upset about how this whole thing (relinquishment, adoption) was sold as a package deal. The Adoption Triad Promises. As a birthmother, I was terrified to admit I never "forgot and got over" because if they lied about that, then hell! they could have lied about the other things, too.
It really stiffled my emotions and growth as I became an adult. I couldn't admit to anyone MY failings in forgetting and getting, as I couldn't bear to consider that the other alleged promises were also false. How can you support upholding such false promises for one end of espionage episode when it is impossible to uphold all the other false promises made at the time?
Michele Rice Aurora, CO
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